Tuesday, October 23, 2007

My posts are too long

I cant help it. I have a lot to say. Besides, I am using this blog as a launching pad for my career as a REAL writer--you know, the kind of writer who has tens of thousands of blog subscribers and has her work published in magazines and gets to read an essay on NPR now and then. A serious writer, who, even though she didn't finish college, has made a name for herself.

Last night, I was feeling kind of sorry for myself, which happens when I dont get enough sleep and my hormones are doing this thing they do when the moon is doing that thing it did last night (whatever it was). What happens to me is I give up. I simply cannot carry it all - the buying of a new house, the sorting out and supporting of a father in a nursing home and a mother in a new apartment, the visiting, selecting and applying to colleges with my 11th grader, the phone calls from my son who is eager for me to do all the legwork and paperwork involved in his taking possession of the car that his grandfather gave him last month. So last night, I just set it all down. I put on some soft pjs and made myself a little tray with some tea and a small chunk of dark chocolate and carried it into the living room where, I picked up the remote, stretched out on the sofa and watched someone else deal with their drama. It helped.

I like to watch Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Extreme Home Makeover, House... If these shows are not on, I watch the cooking channel: Iron Chef or NIgella Lawson; or, What Not to Wear (my guilty secret).

What I am looking for is transformation--of trauma to triumph, of ingredients and fire to something delicious-looking, of ugly duckling to swan. And I find that, by watching other people figure it out, even though they are not real people, I feel a little better.

Last night, I watched a rerun of Oprah, the one in which a man who has three months to live discusses his secrets for a happy life. That turned me over like a grilled cheese sandwich, let me tell ya! That inspired and humbled me--and I realized that my petty little overwhelm had nothing on this guy's three months to live--and I got up and did some laundry and hugged my husband and called my daughter down to eat some toast with me and show me her beautiful artwork.

And now this post is longer than it was supposed to be... but that is what happens on my blog.

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