Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Not lazy... just wasting time

Good morning. Im working on my Sacred Story blog today.
I am also going to the dentist, taking my car to the mechanic to fix the scary gratiing, squeaking, clattering that happens when I step on the brakes and putting my Valentine's Day column togather. It's a good thing Althea, my wonderful cleaning woman is coming by this afternoon because, even though we cannot afford her services, we need them! What a world of boxes and laundry and chaos my home is this week after Thanksgiving the month before we move.

Yes, we are moving. And I'm pretty sure we're doing it in January. Yesterday, I carried home another eight cardboard cartons--the big ones that paper comes in--from the mailroom at work. I also submitted the paperwork to dissolve a large chunk of my retirement account and Matthew sent out bills to his big clients and when it all comes together it should be just about 5% of the asking price of the little blue house we've found--a down payment on the next part of our lives.

The walls of our current home are well-insulated -- carefully packed and marked cartons tower from floor to ceiling containing my enormous book collection, precious objects wrapped in newspaper, table linens, fabric scraps, Matt's magazines--there are over 100 boxes already and we have barely begun!

Remembering the last-minute packing madness at my mother's house, just two months ago, I am determined to be ready when the moving vans pull into the driveway. And yet...

As I pull each object from its shelf, I am so distracted by memory... I sit with the blue ceramic bunny far too long, stroking its cool surface. I open each photo album (just to see..) and find myself, an hour later, blinking awake from a dream.
I simply must play a few notes on the worn wooden flute and pull the miniature books from the little box they come in to read about The Bunny Planet.

Just two months ago, I was helping my mother pack up her home--and remarking on this blog and joking with my sisters about the way she seemed to be stalling, the way that she seemed unable to part with even a single stone or shell. And now, faced with the same challenge, I, too, hesitate at the strange threshhold of change.

Last night, I made myself simply throw away two little objects from my son's childhood--a silverplate cup and brush set--that I never liked. A minute later, I was rooting through the trash can, pulling them out. This isn't easy.

Yet here I am, doing it again. I promised myself I'd work on my Sacred Story blog and instead, I've been sitting here, with barely half an hour left before the dentist appointment looms--wasting time.


Cindy Breninger said...

Busy, busy, busy, yet you still found time to write. :) Where are you moving to? Nothing is crazier than moving so I feel for you. Take care!

Amy Oscar said...

We are moving to a little blue house on a lovely wooded street in Nyack, NY, a river town on the Hudson. We can just see the water from the second floor windows. And the real joy will be nestling our daughter into the community she's come to love (she's been attending high school in Nyack for a year and a half) and resting our wildly fragmented selves into one place--and one piece-- for a while.