Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Disintegration II

Help! I am experiencing something that feels, to me, like total disintegration but feels, at the same time, like something is being born.

Is anyone else feeling this way? I know that there is some great cosmic event taking place right now, something about endings and beginnings, and I wonder, is this what's taken over my usually sunny, pretty much sane, generally grounded psyche?

In the past two weeks, everything in my life is up for grabs. I can't write. I can't sleep. I am obsessing over things that make no sense at all. At the same time, I'm watching as my friends are losing parents or telling me things like: I've lost my connection to the light.

It feels like there's a deepening going on in the world--a deepening and a reckoning. A time when we are being asked to face the parts of ourselves we don't really want to acknowledge, the icky, shadowy bits we'd rather keep hidden (with our flyaway hair) under a winter hat.

I know what I'm experiencing could be a manifestation of the natural cycle of turning inward as fall turns to winter. But this feels bigger, more personal, more.. frankly... hormonal. And it feels much more out of my control.

Does anyone have any thoughts to share? You can send them to me privately, at oscaramyr@aol.com or put them in comments following this post.

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